As a dating app veteran, I’ve traveled from the mainstream waters of Match to the outer reaches of Ashley Madison. From the glamour of Hinge to the more pedestrian Plenty of Fish. In the spirit of being thorough, I’ve also tried Christian Mingle and MilitaryCupid.
(A friend once predicted that as a marketing and user experience professional, I’d probably lose track of the purpose of the app as I went down the rabbit hole of app experience. This proved to be largely accurate as I ended up analyzing most of these sites.)
Through my travels, it seemed the user base of each of these apps had a healthy perspective on expectations for whichever app they were in. Except for Tinder users.
As I started honing in on what I was seeking and what was working, Hinge and Bumble were the two apps I thought worked best for me. The purpose of the women was consistent with my own. I seemed to find the most compatibility there, and (and this is an important one) it looked like I generally stood a chance of meeting someone.
I’ve also spent plenty of time on Tinder, and I’d say while I’ve always been seeking “the one,” I figured Tinder may at least get me started (wink wink, nudge nudge…)
But two things struck me about Tinder. One, I got absolutely no traction, and two, I don’t think women understand the Tinder brand.
Over two years off and on, I only once went on a Tinder-initiated date. (This compared to dozens for both Hinge and Bumble.) I’m not sure what it is. My pictures across all apps are generally the same. (And yes, “recent.”) My profile was largely the same, though I do tend to experiment with messaging that works, and I’m continually optimizing based on empirical data.
I’m not sure why I’m invisible on Tinder where I’m not on other sites. Though I do have one theory, and it relates to my second observation.
Tinder is a hookup site, but the pattern I saw with the women I found on Tinder was the same: They all insisted on “no hookups.”
No hookups? Then what are you doing on Tinder.
Tinder, by it’s very nature… the essence of its brand… is a hookup site. That’s how it made its name. When it first made the scene, people were using it to get some. Plain and simple. Sure, some of those one-nighters probably turned into long-term things. (I can think of one as I write this.) But who would join a hookup site and insist on no hookups? It’s like walking into an airport and saying “I’m excited to travel… but no airplanes.”
If you’re on Tinder, you can expect finding people who want to hookup. But this is where my theory comes in on my lack of success. I think Tinder still caters more to a younger audience. As a middle-aged divorcee, my suspicion is that I just can’t keep up with the young bucks who are offering their services. And the older women who are there for those services are probably going younger.
And the women there insisting on no hookups? They’re probably just lost and having as much luck on Tinder as I.
Tinder was, is, and most likely, always will be a hook up site. Let the kids have their fun. If you’re not seeking hookups, try eharmony.